Sick Day
by songstobesung
Summary: Kurt doesn't get sick very often. But when he does, you'd think all hell broke loose, stabbed him in the back, and took his favorite Marc Jacobs scarf. Oneshot.


Wes groaned, mostly because someone was up at four in the fucking morning.

And, seriously, who gets up at four in the fucking morning?

There was a light coming from the bathroom. David, and Blaine, were both sound asleep on the floor, and Wes use to be sound asleep in his sleeping bag. Their Saturday night sleepover normally required Twilight bashing, Elf watching, cooking making, sugar highing and then crashing at two. It had gotten even funnier when Kurt came along. He added a kinda bitchy sarcasm everyone had grown to love (Blaine more than others…but they promised not to have eyesex the whole night. David made them swear on the Deathly Hallows Part 1 DVD that he had (il)legally obtained.)

Normally, Kurt was the last one to crash. But, he was looking very pale, and refused Blaine Famous Peanut Butter Cookies. Capitalized and everything. Kurt just grumbled about a headache, and crashed about nine (which was early for anyone over the age of eleven). He tossed and turned, and couldn't get comfortable. Blaine, carefully, had deposited him on the bed, and Kurt kicked off all the covers. They stayed remotely quiet the rest of the night, seeing as Kurt was already in a terrible mood.

No need to get bitch Kurt all up in here.

But now, Kurt was up, probably taking a damn shower, and four in the fucking morning. Which, as a result, makes Wes very bitch like.

More so than Kurt, in a way.

Wes walked over to the bathroom, and hoped not to see a partially naked Kurt (oh god, he'd never look at him the same again!) getting into the shower, but instead found a really pale, sweaty Kurt, whose head was hanging over the toilet.

"Hey man you okay?" What a stupid question to ask like that. Did you ask someone who was throwing up if they were okay? Maybe in movies, and fictional places, but Wes was very awkward when it came to babying someone. He was the middle child, (two other sisters, and two younger brothers) and was normally babied and then his brother's didn't like being babied, so he really wasn't that all experienced in taking care of those who were ill.

"Does it look like I'm okay?" Kurt clutched his stomach, and moaned in pain. Wes got a closer look, and saw Kurt was crying. Yeah, Wes was going to go all ninja bitch on Kurt's ass, but seeing as he was throwing up, Wes didn't feel the need to do so on Kurt. He simply sat down, next to Kurt, and tried to pat him on the back. Kurt slapped Wes away.

"Go away." He moaned, and put his hot forehead on the cool porcelain that he was tossing his cookies in. Wes stayed, but didn't touch Kurt. Kurt was being very bitchy, not accepting his help or anything. Wes, however, did get him to eat one saltine cracker, (Blaine was obsessed with these and a dollop (see: huge scoop) of peanut butter, so they always had more in their room than the normal person had in their lifetime) and drink some water. Of course, Kurt threw them up not even ten minutes later.

Great, just fucking great. Wes had two hours of sleep, Kurt was being a bitch (and had a valid excuse topping it off!) and David and Blaine were still asleep.

This day was going to be hell, Wes imagined. After all, it sure started that way.

Kurt fell asleep around six in the morning. Wes decided to see if anyone was on Facebook (and no one was much to his disappointment. Other than his parents, but he wasn't about to talk to them.) So, instead he took Kurt's fancy shamncy iPhone, and played Doodle Jump for thirty minutes. Was it sad that he couldn't get past 10,692 points?

Hell to the yeah it was.

So, now that it was seven in the morning, he saw that Miss Mercedes Jones just texted Kurt. He might as well talk to the fine women, seeing as his girlfriend dumped his sorry ass after the bumper sticker David gave him about being in the closet.

How come it was always David's fault, and not his, but was the one who had a bitchy girlfriend?

Seriously, that's not cool man, not cool at all.

The vibration that came when Miss Mercedes texted him got him out of his pity party. But, he only did have two hours of sleep, and had been up for three hours helping Kurt with his illness, so it was okay.

Wasn't it?

**Mercedes; why r u txting me instead of my boo?**

**Kurt **(_aka Wes on Kurt's phone)_**: bcuz ur 'boo' is sick. Like hell. And he's being more of a bitch than usual. **

**Kurt**_ (Wes)_**: Pardon my language btw…**

**Mercedes; aweehh :'[ Is he being good? What does he have?**

**Kurt**_ (Wes)_**; Stomach flu I think. I think he has a fever, but he won't let anyone touch him, or be nice to him. He's not good at accepting help, you know that?**

**Mercedes; hell, I know that bb;D Anyways, I'll be over there (with ALL of ND prollably. Dn't put it against us to not all be there) around, say, 11ish? Txt me if he'd feeling better.**

**Kurt**_ (Wes)_**; hey, Imma txt Finn to see if Kurt's dad can tell us how to take care of a very pissy, sicky Kurtie. Like the rhyme?**

**Mercedes; LOL I do! that's a good idea, seeing as I dn't have Finn's number (out of all the ND peeps, I dnt have our 2nd in commandXD isn't tht funny?)**

**Kurt**_ (Wes)_**; LOL it is! See, I'm the head of the Warblers, so I dnt have to txt myselfXD Talk to ya later? Shall we get one another's numbers when u all come over?**

**Mercedes; We shall! LOL gtg, see ya laterrrr!**

**Kurt**_ (Wes)_**; byyeeee Mercedes!**

By then, it was seven thirty, and Wes was really hungry, but the smell of puke kinda made it hard to eat. And, Kurt was stirring, so Wes figured he'd text Finn (who texted some pretty nasty words to him, seeing as no normal person gets up this early. Except Mercedes and Kurt. But, they don't count.)

So, Finn told him that Burt said to make sure he's hydrated, and takes something for the fever. Also, to put him in something other than those 'tight ass jeans' (Burt's words, not his) so that he's more comfortable and not worrying about that fabric sticking to his sensitive skin.

Wes was right about to fall asleep, for like three minutes, when Lord Bitch (aka Kurt) started crying, and being the good guy that he is, Wes decided to go comfort him.

Blaine better be getting him something nice and shiny when all this was over.

Because Wes was sure as hell worth it.

* * *

Finn was very, very mad when Kurt texted him. At seven. In the morning. On a Sunday morning, after he and Puck and Sam and Artie and Chang played COD till three in the morning. But, then he found out it was Wes, and he found out Kurt was sick.

So, it was all good. But, now Finn felt kinda bad about some nasty words he had called Kurt (er, Wes, but he thought it was Kurt, so it wasn't all that bad. Kurt had called him plenty of things before, in a joking way. So, he asked why any goddamn person was texting him, and he said to stop being up is ass, but he wasn't really coherent, okay?)

(Okay.)

So, he had to crawl over all the other guys, to get to Burt, had to make sure that Burt and his Mom weren't in the nude, and then tell Burt about Kurt (haha, that rhymed, no Finn, stay focused). Burt became all concerned and texted Wes, who was patiently waiting on Kurt's phone, about what to do. Finn thanked Burt, and then went downstairs, only to see that everyone was awake.

The Jaws music started playing in his head.

_Dundundundun dunununununun DUNUNUNUNUNUNUNUNUNUNUNU!_

_Crunch!_

(That's what Finn assumed a body being eaten sounded like.)

"Yo, dude, what up with getting up so damn early?" Puck rubbed his eyes, looking very childish and un-Puck like. Puck looked like a little kid when he slept, and early in the morning, with an innocent look in his green eyes with hints of brown in them. He pouted his lips somewhat. Sam must have noticed this as well, and snickered, brushing his lemon hair out of his eyes.

"Kurt's sick." Finn explained. Everyone groaned, and then pulled out their respected cell phones to text their girlfriends about Kurt (except Lauren because no one liked her.) Surprisingly, they all knew due to Mercedes texting all the girls, and they were planning to go over there around elevenish. The boys looked at each other, and called their girlfriends, attempting to convince them to be over there by ten.

Finn had a valid reason; He and Kurt were (step)brothers.

Puck had a (somewhat) valid reason; He liked Kurt, and was a very overprotective personality type.

Artie had a (somewhat) valid reason; He and Kurt were the misfits of the group, and they liked hanging out with one another.

Sam and Mike just didn't want to be left out, so they tried to convince their girlfriends. It was decided that they'd all swing by Kroger, get some lunch, medication, and cold compresses for Kurt, and then drive two hours to Westerville, Ohio.

Of course, they all assumed they'd take Finn's very nice, large car that could hold eight comfortably (and they'd make it work so that it'd hold eleven uncomfortably).

Artie made the impressive comment, "If they catch us, everyone speak in a foreign accent. In fact, just let Mike and Tina talk, since their Asian!"

Everyone looked at Artie like he could walk, normally, and had a British accent, but without the awesome glimmer of jealousy in their eyes. So, okay they were staring, but only Puck laughed. Puck and Artie were somewhat of friends, and he told everyone how Artie was not a morning person. He would be offensive, racist and funny for another twenty minutes. They all exhaled a breath that no one knew they were holding in, and because to laugh.

"Guys," Artie whined, "I was being serious though!"

Rachel snorted with laughter, and was roaring at the pouty look on Artie's face. Quinn joined in, and soon the whole car was shaking with laughter, even Puck. Artie flipped everyone off, and looked out the window with a sad little smirk.

"Why are you so mad?" Tina asked in a very over exaggerated Chinese accent, and Artie cracked a smile at her.

"Sorry bout the racist comment Tee." He said. Tina just rolled her eyes, and snuggled up with Mike, and his delicious abs. Brittany snuggled up with Artie, Santana kissed Puck, Rachel blabbered to Finn, Quinn and Sam looked at each other adoringly, and Mercedes texted Wes, telling them they were on their way.

The first hour was very peaceful. Quinn fell asleep on Sam; Mercedes giggled a little; Artie explained to Brittany that she was not allowed to touch Kurt's soft baby hands, since he was sick and didn't want to be touched (Brittany was a little heartbroken, but okay with it.); Puck and Santana sucked faces; Rachel actually stopped talking (you'd think the world would end with that huge of a motion happening, but no, it didn't.)

The second hour was miserable. Finn nearly fell asleep, and both Santana and Rachel were bitching at one another about the radio station.

"Why do we have to listen to this Broadway shit, ManHands?" Santana leaned over to flick off the radio, and change it to a pop station. Rachel slapped her hand away.

"Because, these singers aren't auto-tuned."

"You need some auto tuning right now you bitch!"

"Slut!"

"Cheater!"

"Whore!"

"Hobbit!" (Rachel was not pleased with this one, and gasped audibly. Everyone was enjoying this little bitch thing, since it was funny to see Rachel be a bitch. More so than usual, but no one told her that.)

"YOU SILICON FREAK!" Santana lunged at Rachel, and they both started slapping each other.

"STOP IT BECAUSE WE ARE AT DALTON ALREADY!" Finn roared, and both girls went to their respective man. Santana glared at Rachel, while Rachel cried (a little) about the fight. It was agreed that Kurt shouldn't get sick.

Ever.

Because, due to lack of sleep, it was highly likely that someone would end up killing someone else.

(Quinn and Sam betted Rachel would be killed; Tina and Mike thought it'd be Santana.)

(But, they all knew it would be Rachel to die first.)

(Mostly because she'd be the easiest to kill.)

(Not that they were planning on that or anything.)

(No, seriously, they weren't.)

* * *

By nine, Kurt was crying, David was awake, and Blaine was still asleep. Wes and David got some cold water, and then threw it on Blaine. Blaine didn't even flinch.

What. The. Hell.

"Okay, he has got to be the deepest sleeper known to man." David sighed, flopping onto the bed. Wes agreed, and went back to attend to Kurt, trying to force him into some sweatpants, and Blaine really comfy (but really thin) Warbler's shirt, seeing as Kurt had a really high fever. This resulted in Kurt slapping Wes; cussing at him (David was highly impressed by the way even the word 'fuck' sounded very intelligent from Kurt. Must be a gift) and then crying and screaming.

Blaine still was snoring.

David thought that Blaine was just pretending to sleep, seeing as a few Warblers came by to see what all the screaming was about. When they saw it was Kurt, they left swiftly, saying that they had to be somewhere, in five minutes. Seriously, David didn't believe a word they had spoken, but he wished he could go with them. Not that he didn't like Kurt and all, it was just…

He doesn't do crying girls, or crying guys, or crying dogs.

David hated crying. He was going to baby Kurt all he wanted to be babied, and when Kurt shoved him away (it wasn't the most amazing shove, seeing as David didn't move, but still it was a _shove_) David was fairly wounded in the heart area, and refused to help him. He knew that Wes was going to kick his ass later, but right now, David was clearly mad at both of them.

Kurt's phone started to play 'Hate On Me' and David picked it up, and heard a lot of talking.

"Girl, I will cut you…"

"Ugh, I feel so gross…"

"Asian kiss?"

"And she just hit me (sob) why did she hit me?"

"And that's why Super Mario Bros…"

"HEY WES OR DAVID OR WHOEVER THIS IS!" That caught his attention, and David focused his ears on this girl's voice. "It's Mercedes. Which room are ya'll in?"

"Um, room 249 in the Featherston Building. The pass code is 'Wallabies eat oranges'. Don't ask." David cut off Mercedes confused sound. She sighed, and told him that they'd be up in about fifteen minutes.

"Maybe more. Imma try to calm down these crazy kids- WILL YOU ALL SHUT YOUR MOUTHS FOR A DAMN SECOND?" The background noise lower by about 1,000 decibels (was that even possible) except for the occasional sniffle or hiccup of tears. David sighed, and told her to come up soon.

Then he turned to Blaine, who was still asleep. David, hating to do this to such a sweet gentlemen (when he wanted to be. Blaine could be a little bit of an over achiever, which led to stress Blaine, and no one wanted a stressed Blaine) but, alas, there was no other choice.

In a loud voice, David walked over to Blaine and declared, "KURT PUT YOUR SHIRT ON!" Blaine rubbed his eyes, before perking up, almost fangirl (boy?) like. His eyes looked excited, and then he saw David lunging towards him, and tickling him.

"Haha, David, OH MY GOD!" Blaine was curled over, laughing loudly and nearly crying. David giggled – Blaine's laugh was contagious- but continued to tickle the poor kid. Blaine was now kicking David, hard, and crying out, "NONONONONONOOOOO! Stop David, STOOPPP!" He wailed, and David was now on top of him, tickling harder than before.

"Is this a bad time?" Came the voice of one Quinn Fabray from the door. She, even with lack of sleep, was still a beauty. David got off, blushing like mad. Blaine was grinning like a mad man, and Kurt was dead to the world.

"Yeah, because if you guys are playing kinky sex games, I want in." Santana Lopez sauntered in swishing her hips like a sex spy. Instead of her usual Cheerios uniform, she wore skinny jeans, UGG boots, and a casual purple tank top. She also wore her patent bitchsmirk© to top it off. David grinned, but Santana shot him down faster than you could say 'Wanky wanky'.

Damn.

"Hello, New Directions, welcome to the War Zone." Wes came out, his lower lip pouting just a little bit, and everyone could hear Kurt in the background, clearly delusional from the high fever.

"If you're a munchkin trying to kill me, I'm gunner cut you so hard, you bleed lollipops."

Puck's eyebrows lifted up at this statement, but he didn't say anything. Finn and Mike were clearly enjoying Delusional Kurt more than they should. Brittany cocked her head.

"The doctor gave me a lollipop." She turned to Wes, "May I have a lollipop? Where is it?"

Artie took Brittany by the arm, and moved her towards the bed, talking to her. Brittany retaliated with an intellectual comment, surprising everyone, Santana included.

"When you'd become so damn smart?" Santana walked over to the couple. Brittany grinned.

"When I stopped having sex with you."

Puck looked over to see Santana's reaction, but all the bitch did was shrug and flop onto the bed.

At the exact moment Kurt began to wake up, (and more precisely throw up) into the porcelain god. Quinn kissed Sam on the nose, and walked over to the sick boy. Everyone could hear them conversing. Well, everyone could hear Kurt bitching, but more whining that bitching, and Quinn soothing him.

"I feel so sick (sob) I wanna go ho-o-o-o-o-o-o-ome!"

"Shh, I know baby, but I need to take your temperature."

"NO! I don't wanna! Let me be." Kurt cried, nearly screaming.

"Baby, shhhh, honey you're really hot. You don't wanna be hot, okay?" Quinn ran her hand through Kurt's hair. Kurt blubbered like a baby, but nodded anyway.

"Mercedes, can you be a doll and get the thermometer?" Mercedes grabbed the huge bag they brought, and tossed it to Quinn. She turned her attention back on the group.

"Well, now that we are all here, how about we get to know one another? Anyone up for a game or two?"

* * *

Kurt pressed his hot head on the cool porcelain. It made him feel a little better. Normally, he'd be watching a movie with Blaine, snuggled up next to him. Wes and David would laugh at the two, but they really thought they were adorable. Kurt would reply with a sarcastic comment, Blaine would laugh, Wes and David would have a bromance hug, and then they'd have 'drama' worthy of a soap opera.

Instead, though, he was hovering over, trying not to puke his guts out, with the little food he had in his stomach. Quinn, however, was being very motherly, and trying to coax him to actually throw up.

"I don't wanna!" He wailed, curling up into a little ball of sad and sickness (he felt like a little ball of sad and sickness). Crying, he rocked himself back and forth, trying to not throw up. The motion didn't make him feel any better, and he heard laughter in the background. Were they laughing at him?

"I HATE EVERYONE!" He yelled, before crying all over again. Quinn pulled him close to her small torso, and cradled him. She ran her hand threw his hair, trying o calm down the small teen. He hated being babied, and feebly pushed her away, but that didn't really work, so he just screamed at her, calling her everything in the book. Quinn, though, didn't take it to heart, since she was the same way when she was pregnant with Beth.

"Kurt, breathe in and breathe out. If you throw up, you'll feel better." She soothed him, her voice calm and very un-Quinn like. She assumed it was the motherly instincts she felt.

Kurt gave in, and listened to Quinn. She smiled, and rocked the boy to sleep, making a pillow out of a very fluffy towel. She then put a wet paper towel on his forehead, and kissed the top of his head.

"Sleep well Kurtie." She ruffled his hair, before heading out with the rest of New Directions, plus three Warblers.

"Truth or dare?"

"No, ManHands! How about Spin the Bottle?"

"San! If you're going to make out, then might as well do Seven Minutes in Heaven!"

"Never Have I Ever?"

"We don't have any booze!"

"Strip Truth?" Offered Tina, grinned, glad she wore a lot of clothing. Everyone settled on this, and Santana said Tina should ask someone, anyone a question.

"Okay!" Tina grinned, looking at David, evilly.

(Over the course of two hours, everyone was nearly naked (surprisingly, Blaine was the first to be completely 'in the nude' but, being a gentlemen, he turned his back, so no one could see his 'lovely stuff' as Santana put it.)

(That was the unfortunate moment Kurt walked out, daze and confused as to why Blaine was naked.)

(Blaine really wanted to kill someone. But, since he was a gentleman and all, he decided not to.)

* * *

After endless hours of party games, much of Kurt bitching, and tons of caffeine later, the kids (Kurt included. Apparently, he had a 24 hour stomach bug, and he was fine around elevenish or so) decided it was movie time.

Of course, that meant talking throughout the entire movie.

Around the end, Wes stood up, and made the declarative statement.

"Kurt, please don't ever get sick."

"Why?" Kurt was still a little pale, but he was still Kurt like now, and wasn't throwing up at all, nor did he have a fever, much to everyone's delight.

"Because, when you get sick, you'd think all hell broke loose, stabbed ya in the back, and took your favorite Marc Jacobs scarf."

"Truer words have never been spoken." Mercedes declared, and everyone responded with an 'Amen.'

By two, everyone was passed out, and when they woke up, the Dalton halls were bustling with guys, chirping with gossip, and much to everyone's disappointment, school.

Lucky for Kurt, he got to stay since he had to wait 24 hours till he could fully return to school.

Much to everyone else's luck (or lack of it) they had to either drive to Lima, or go to school, and be somewhat incoherent.

They parted ways, but Wes held back Blaine for just a minute (or two.)

"What Wes?' Blaine grumbled, wiping the sleep out of his eyes.

"You owe me something shiny and pretty." Wes demanded. Blaine's eyes opened wide, giving him the look of absolute confusion.

"Why?"

"Because I'm worth it." Wes spun on his heel, and strutted off.

Blaine was absolutely confused.

* * *

**This is my attempt at humor. As of now, I am in love with Wes. The ending was somewhat rushed, but I really didn't want to write the party game scene (I couldn't think of any questions XD) so, fail on my part. Anyways, I hope you all enjoyed it! Thanks to Brenna ( _Mrs. Cedric Cullen_ ) for reading this, as well as Claire ( _Clairita _) for reading this whenever I asked them too! You should check out their stories, seeing as they both are great writers :D Hope you all enjoyed! And I'd love to see what you thought, so review as well (please, or me?)**

**(Disclaimer; I only own nothing of importance. Except my point shoes.)**

**(I also own my love of parentheses)**

**(As you can see, it is shown a lot in this story.)**

**-Madi**


End file.
